According to Merriam Webster's dictionary, "nice" comes from a Middle English word meaning foolish. The primary definition of "nice," at one time, was wanton or dissolute (both words pointing to a lack of moral restraint).
Over the years, the use of the word "nice" has evolved to its current definition: "giving pleasure or joy; good and enjoyable, attractive or of good quality; kind, polite, and friendly."
"Kind" also has an interesting linguistic history. Originally from a Middle English word meaning nature, or species or grouping.
While "kind" retains that meaning today as a noun, Merriam Webster says that the word's adjective meaning is "having or showing a gentle nature and a desire to help others - wanting and liking to do good things and to bring happiness to others."
The principle difference between "nice" and "kind" seems to be focused on relationship, or lack of it.
Most of my actions towards others have been of the "nice" variety. Skimming the surface. Being superficially polite. Not wanting to offend.
Unfortunately, the best example of this I can give is a typical Sunday morning before or after the church service. During these times I am smiling, shaking hands, giving hugs, handing out 'hellos' but not much else.
The actions motivated by being "nice" are mostly done to project a positive image, while keeping others at a distance. "Nice" is lukewarm. It's non-committal for the most part. There really isn't much effort or engagement made.
On the other hand, acts that are "kind" come from a commitment. They are usually other-centered and focus on deepening relationship.
In the film Old Fashioned there's a great line spoken by Amber, the main female character. "I think the world has enough greatness and not enough kindness."
This statement seems to sum up our current state of divisiveness in American society, doesn't it?
Or perhaps, it could be rephrased, the world has enough niceness and not enough kindness?
I'm not saying that we should all quit being nice. Lord knows we need to get out of ourselves and think of others more. And there isn't anything wrong with being polite.
But being "nice" isn't enough.
Being kind involves risk. It often involves going outside of our comfort zone. And it may not be our "go to" action of choice.
But, with practice, we can learn. We can dig a little deeper emotionally and choose to give more of ourselves.
What would those after-church conversations look like if I were a little more kind? And not so nice? Perhaps they might open the door to sharing? Maybe even friendship?
P.S. If you need a musical nudge in this direction, try listening to Tim McGraw's "Humble and Kind."
Photo Credit: www.daringtolivefully.com
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