Where we see failure, God sees hope!

Have you ever bitten off more than you can chew?

Yesterday evening I wrote an email to an organization where I was taking volunteer training towards the goal of being a mentor. The training consisted of two weeks, four days each day, four hours a day.

It was detailed. Very, very detailed; because the audience for the tutoring were kids who have dyslexia or ADHD. The goal of the organization is to help them learn how to read.

After sitting through four days of the training the feeling was confirmed that it was, at this moment in life, too much to absorb. I was already scheduled to start a new part-time job in a few weeks and the training was severely testing my brain's ability to store and retrieve information.

Our homework assignment over the weekend was to write up our first lesson plan, assuming that we were going to tutor a child. I simply couldn't do it. I found myself staring at the notebook, and at the blank lesson plan outline. 

It became painfully obvious that I needed to notify the organization's trainer (who is amazingly upbeat, knowledgeable and gracious) that I had to bow out because I wasn't learning fast enough.

I wasn't getting it fast enough because there was already too much on my plate. My gut instinct told me after the first day that I shouldn't continue the training. It wasn't a matter of brain power. It was a matter of timing. I'm a fairly intelligent person and over the years I'd learned to multi-task with the best of them. But in this case, I simply should have followed my instinct and said "no" to the training earlier in the week.

Why didn't I?

Because of pride - I hate to give up. I hate to say no. I hate to disappoint people. And, most of all, I hate to admit when I've made a mistake! 

So, it was somewhat embarrassing for me to send off an email last night to the tutoring instructor. Her response was gracious and actually encouraging.  She understood and was extremely kind about my bowing out.

We live in a culture that doesn't abide admitting when we've made mistakes. Under normal circumstances, we equate mistake with failure. (If you don't believe me, try saying the word "mistake" out loud a few times and let me know what feeling immediately comes to you). 

Why is this so?

We don't like making mistakes because they are opportunities for others to see where we might need help or practice. We don't want to appear vulnerable. But how else do we learn? Does anyone obtain perfection the first time we attempt something? Isn't the point of practice to allow time for mistakes? But somehow, in real life, we sometimes seem to pull the plug on making mistakes after setting up an arbitrary timeline.

But the truth is, this side of heaven, there is no such thing as perfection. We are all beings in training. Even Paul cautioned us to work out our salvation "with fear and trembling." 

What was the lesson I learned in all of this?

It was two-fold. First, I need to trust my gut instincts more often. Specifically around the issue of putting too much on my plate, to the point of where there is actually no more room. If a plate is already too full, you're only going to cause something to fall off if you attempt to put something else on it.. The first time I felt like I had made a mistake in the timing of signing on for the training, I should have acknowledged it and saved myself a week's worth of discomfort. 

Secondly, I should have spent more time in prayer about signing up. I signed up on an impulse to do good. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, but as the saying goes "timing is everything," and knowing that I was about to start a new job, I should have held back and concentrated on gearing up for what was already ahead of me.

If you are in a similar place right now, I'd like to encourage you. It's not too late to bring God into your decision making! It's always a good time to do that! God's plate is never full and God will help you through it! 

And most of all, God doesn't consider a mistake a failure! God sees our mistakes as opportunities to grow!

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