A Conversation with Jane Knuth, author of THE PRAYER LIST

Jane Knuth

Jane Knuth writes a monthly column for The Good News, the newspaper of the (Catholic) Diocese of Kalamazoo. She and her husband, Dean, volunteer in local food distribution efforts. They live in Portage, Michigan. 

In 2011, Jane's first book, Thrift Store Saints: Meeting Jesus 25 Cents at a Time, was awarded first place from the Catholic Press Association for Popular Presentation of the Catholic Faith. Thrift Store Graces, her second book was published in 2012. She and her daughter Ellen, released Love Will Steer Me True: A Mother and Daughter's Conversations on Love, Life, and God from Loyola Press in November 2014. 

Her most recent book is THE PRAYER LIST, published this year by Loyola Press.

Can you tell us a bit about how THE PRAYER LIST came to be written? Whose idea was it? What was your original reaction to the theme?

In a blog post, I told the story of how my family had a prayer list that was passed on for five generations from my great-grandmother. My editor at Loyola Press thought this would make an interesting book, but I only had three paragraphs. He encouraged me to find out how other families pray together--and that’s where The Prayer List: and Other True Stories of How Families Pray came to be.

In the Prologue of THE PRAYER LIST, you describe your cousin Mary’s passing along the family prayer list to you. Your initial response was “Uh-oh.” Can you elaborate on your feelings at the time?

It looked like a lot of work to me! As it turned out, it was a lot of blessing instead.

You suggest beginning a personal prayer list with a note of thanksgiving to God. Why is this an important starting point?

Gratitude lifts our hearts out of our egos. That is the perfect place to begin any conversation with anybody, but especially with God.

From your own experience, what would you say is the biggest stumbling block to a consistent prayer life? And how do you overcome it?

Family prayer is different than individual prayer. I have met plenty of people who pray deeply by themselves but have no idea how to get their family to join them. In the book, Fr. MIke, a priest, tells the story of one of two times that he prayed with his older brother. Family prayer is not easy to do. How do we overcome the difficulties? Through more prayer, I guess.

You describe an interaction at the family dinner table, where your daughter’s inquisitiveness over a simple prayer “Come Lord Jesus, be our guest…” resulted in quite a conversation. And setting up an additional table setting for Jesus. Why is it that kids seem to be so open to spiritual concepts – much more so than many adults?

The kids in the family prayer stories often turned out to be the prayer leaders. I was surprised by how often the adults admitted this to me. The Muslim family showed me the prayer room they added to their house at their young daughter’s insistence. One young boy nagged his mother about saying grace before meals until she gave in and let him start a new tradition in their family. There were many other stories like these. Why are kids open to spirituality? Maybe because kids are open to love?

Speaking of children, you write about an incident when your (then) young daughters were walking down the street to play with their friends. They passed a dead crow. Their response after talking it over was to kneel down and pray. You would think, that as adults, we would grow in awareness of the power of prayer. Why isn’t this the case for most of us?

Many years ago, when I decided to pray more to see if it made a difference, at first, it didn’t seem to change anything at all. But gradually, I lost my fear of loss. I had become afraid of losing so many things! I was afraid of losing my loved ones, my health, my financial security, my freedom, my friends---lots of things. I had all these blessings and I was living in fear that they would be taken away. Prayer helped me be grateful and to release the need to keep things and people in safety deposit boxes.

I love the suggestions/tips you provide at the end of each chapter. One of them is to include prayers of forgiveness. If you’re not in a place to actually ask for forgiveness, then pray to be ready to forgive. I’ve heard several sermons/teachings on forgiveness, but they didn’t include this practical help. Can you elaborate on the connection between mercy and forgiveness?

Mercy is something we ask for the instant that we have done something wrong. We want to be forgiven by God, now, today. But when we try to forgive other people, even for minor offenses, it takes a whole lot of effort and lots of time. We cannot forgive by ourselves. God helps us to forgive. That’s why forgiving others goes much easier and faster if we admit we are still angry and ask God to help us.

You include a beautiful story of a family that had a tradition of writing down what they were thankful for on a linen tablecloth each Thanksgiving. For thirty-five years! That linen cloth now serves as a powerful reminder of past gratitude. Why is it important to include such remembrances in our prayer list?

Family traditions remind us that we are part of a history of relationships--sometimes messy relationships! If we write things down, or save keepsakes, or repeat stories and songs, we can release some of the mess of the past and take the best parts of our relationships into the future.

During a time when your husband Dean was hospitalized with a serious illness, you came across a young girl who was humming “Silent Night.”  As you wrote, the conversation was like this:

ME: That’s my favorite carol.

GIRL: Do you like music?

ME: Yes. I do. Do you like it?

GIRL: I sing a lot.

ME: Do you sing all day long?

GIRL: Sometimes.

ME: Even when you’re sad?

GIRL: Yes, that’s when I need it the most.

And you go on to write “Jesus had made this little girl into a messenger to me, but I needed to listen to her soft humming to notice it.”

Do you have further thoughts about this?

Sometimes I am so caught up in my worries that I fail to notice the protection that God is cushioning me with. He piles pillows high around me just before a fall, yet I think I can climb up the ladder by myself. The little girl reminded me that God doesn’t need us to do much. God only needs us to listen, to be his friend, and to sing, especially when we are sad.

Another suggestion you make at the end of a chapter is to “list the different cultures, languages, denominations, religions and ancestral countries that make up your family.” The goal is to have family prayer be “a prayer for the world.” To what extent do you think this sort of prayer can counteract the current trend towards divisiveness and tribalism?

That’s a terrific question. Praying for the ethnic diversity in our own clan can help us be aware of the diversity within our country and the world. Am I proud of being Irish-American? Yes! In 1910, was it shocking for my Irish-American grandmother to marry an English-American? It surely must have been. I can’t imagine what her immigrant parents thought of the situation. When I visited Ireland a few years ago, the relatives there were not happy with my first name--Jane. One of them said to me regretfully, “That’s too bad.” We laughed about it in private, but we began to realize how much healing has taken place in our family in America because of the mix of ethnicities.

I’m curious as to the biggest lesson or insight you may have gained in the process of collecting stories about family prayer and writing THE PRAYER LIST!

The biggest insight I gained from listening to all kinds of people talk about family prayer was that prayers are answered in different ways--sometimes how we want, and other times not--but the practice of prayer brings a measure of acceptance to life’s twists and turns. Many of the people in the book told me, “I knew it was okay.” They didn’t always agree with the way God had answered their prayers, but they knew it was “okay.” I am still pondering this peace that seems to be the fruit of prayer.

Do you have anything else you’d like to mention?

You ask great questions, Dan. Thank you for reading the book so carefully. You dug deeply into these stories. Here's a link to THE PRAYER LIST.