In fact, the services for two of them were held at the exact same time so I could only attend one.
Some of the friends were close, with years-long relationships. Some were not. Some involved several visits to a local hospice. Some included a single visit in a hospital. Notification came from friends, or through finding their obituary in the newspaper just a few days after another friend had told me they weren't doing well.
All of this to say that I've been thinking about death lately, on purpose.
Neel Burton, writing in Psychology Today, makes the point that "While we may be able to somewhat postpone our death, there is absolutely nothing that we can do to prevent it altogether. In the words of the ancient philosopher Epicurus, ‘It is possible to provide security against other ills, but as far as death is concerned, we men live in a city without walls.' All that we can do is to come to terms with death in the hope of preventing it from preventing us from making the most of our life."
So, if this is the case, then it seems that a lot of us in western culture are living as if death doesn't exist.
Kelvin Chin, who heads up the Overcoming the Fear of Death Foundation, says that oftentimes when we say we're afraid of death, we're actually afraid of something else. But death is still the trigger.
Various belief systems all have a particular focus on death.
Muslims and Christians both believe in life after death. That we continue to exist after our physical life has ended. (In fact, the apostle Paul very clearly emphasized that the Resurrection of Jesus was the cornerstone upon which the entire Christian faith rests.)
The Jewish faith, in general, doesn't have a specific teaching on the after-life. Depending upon if you're Orthodox or Reformed there are different flavors of this interpretation.
Buddhists believe that you are reincarnated and continue to experience life after your current physical life has ended, only in another form. It depends upon the sum total of your karma.
Practically all faith traditions hold that it's important to live a moral life. That living a moral life has consequences - both in this life, and in the life after this one.
So, maybe the issue of fear of death partly holds on what you believe?
The converse of the Wager is, that if there is no God, then at least the person has lived a moral life. No harm, no foul.
But regardless of Pascal, the crux of the matter seems to be that some fairly fervent followers of a particular faith are still anxious about death. Why?
Here's my two cents:
1. It's entirely possible to say we believe in a particular faith tradition while not actually believing it. If we don't agree with what our faith stream has to say about the after-life, we aren't going to be affected or consoled by it.
2. It's possible to believe in a particular faith tradition but not strongly enough to live like it. In this case, where we worship doesn't have much to do with how we behave the rest of the week. This isn't so much a case of a cognitive disconnect, but an emotional one.
3. If our faith doesn't leave room for reasonable doubt, we could remain in a continual state of denial or guilt or confusion. This is particularly true among followers of fundamentalist strains of any faith stream. There isn't much room for discussion of fear, including fear linked to death. Unresolved fear often festers into frustration and denial.
In all of the above scenarios we're leaving ourselves open to anxiety. Especially anxiety linked to death.
It doesn't help that in North America advertisers know how to capture our attention using this bait. Watch commercial television if you need evidence. All pain can be taken away instantly. New cars turn you into a beautiful/handsome person. The best cologne or perfume makes you irresistible. Drink the right soda and you suddenly become popular, social and charming. You only need the right products and material possessions to alleviate all anxiety.
As if there is actually such a thing as a fear-free, absolutely secure life.
Come to think of it, the current administration in Washington has done a great job of cashing in on this belief. It's this unspoken premise that is fueling the mantra that our country is the greatest on earth and deserves to be put first above all others. This fear expresses itself in an administration that is asking for an additional $54 billion in defense spending at the expense of cutting essential social and environmental programs.
When you think about it, war is actually a fear of defeat, or death. Ironically war turns out to be a fairly good source of death itself. Not to mention it's very, very expensive.
One thing we know for certain is that death is unavoidable.
It's perhaps the ultimate fear.
But we have the choice to admit we're afraid of dying and begin to free ourselves from the emotional consequences of living in fear of it. As Neel Burton said, "we can come to terms with death in the hope of preventing it from preventing us from making the most of our life."
How about you? What's your view on death?
Photo Credits:
Top - www.DeviantArt.com
Middle - thefamouspeople
No comments:
Post a Comment